Hoppy Easter - Renewal

Whether you celebrate Easter in the Christian sense or the magical Peter Rabbit sense, Easter is a time of renewal.  It is a time to shed the past, look to the future, and live in the present.  Spring has come to most of us (even in Canada), and this is, itself, the rebirth of the seasons.

If you are Christian, you see it as the celebration of Jesus Christ exiting his tomb, validating his claims all the more, giving weight to his promise of paradise, and belief to his Father.  He started a new chapter in religions, he created Christianity that day, bringing the well know verses:

¹⁵ That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.
¹⁶ For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
¹⁷ For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. (John 3:15-17)

For those that are in it for the chocolate, that bunny is surrounded by symbols of beginning: eggs, chicks, flowers, nests, and more.  Granted most are carved from candy and devoured like you were starved for a week straight.

Even if you do not celebrate either of these, rebirth and renewal is surrounding you.  The skies deepen their blue, the grass begins to grow and green, trees bud, roots stretch, and babies are prepared for in every corner of the earth.  

Some of us will not be looking at the outdoors and thinking, "It's time to start, again."  Some will be wondering why things must end.  Why must things be taken from us, much the way that winter steals the growth.  But, it is through this way that renewal may come.  Through loss, no matter how tragic and senseless, we find new paths, new friendships, new perspectives that would never be seen if we did not first lose.  I do not want to take away from the fact that the tragedy occurred, but ask for those grieving and questioning fairness or justice to find their time to lament, and let themselves find their renewal, their rebirth.  Be the phoenix rising from the flames.  Be the joy from despair.

"Just let me know what I can do"

I'm guilty of this, I'll say that first. I want to talk about being on the other side of the fence for the start of this post, being the one that isn't sick, hurt, healing, or what have you. You see someone you care about in a bit of a spot. You want to help, but don't want to overstep any boundaries, and you honestly don't know what they could use. What you say? "Let me know of there's anything you need." Or, "tell me if there is anything I can do". They will say thanks but few ever reply what help they require. I'm guilty of both sides, actually.

Being the injured/healing person, you may be afraid to ask too much of a friend/family member. You may not realize what you need till it is too late to ask. Because of this I want to list a couple things to help fight this cycle.

For the friends/family:

· Make suggestions of ways you are willing to help.
Good examples include:
*offer to make a casserole/dinner dish that can be easily heated in an oven or crock pot so eating well is not difficult at home.
*be a ride to appointments, to get groceries, or to even just get out of the house.
*bring edible food to the hospital.
*watch their children in their home or yours so they can rest.
*take their children to a park or play site so they can play without interrupting the parent resting.
*bring them a tea/coffee and just chat about something other than their ailment. Sometimes people just want to forget about their extraordinary circumstances and just talk about anything else, even the weather!

· Make contact
Sometimes all the person wants is to know they're thought of and loved, so text them, call them, im, tweet, email, or Facebook them. This is when you can open the forum to what you are able/willing to do for them, and maybe it will be just that they want to talk, but just show them they're worth the effort.

· Follow through.
No matter what, if you promise something, do it. No half assing either. If the roles were reversed, you would want to know you can count on people to keep their word.

For the ones healing/sick:

· Be honest.
If someone does ask the ambiguous question of if there is any way they can help, list ideas. You can tell them they are not obligated to do anything, but these are areas you could use some support. They cared enough to ask, respect your position and accept sincere assistance.

· Make some options available.
If you really need help, make it known. If you have Facebook, post a list of ways people can help if they would like to. If anyone frowns on you doing this, they are not worth your time. Society has made people think it is taboo to be need help and to ask for it. The fact is no one can make it through life alone, sometimes we need to lean on someone stronger than our present self. It is okay to admit you need help.

· Be grateful.
If someone does something to help you, thank them. You can do so verbally, electronically, with kind gestures (hugs, thank you cards, or flowers, for example), and/or offering to return the favour in the future. Some people may be going out of their way to help you, no matter how small their assistance, show your gratitude for their support.

Happy Thanksgiving 2013

From Canada: Happy Thanksgiving, once again.  A time to count your blessings and lucky stars, eat turkey, ham, or whatever your family prefers, and to tolerate your family as you are all herded into the same livingroom/kitchen for the day. :)

I send my best wishes to one and all along with a few of my many reasons to be thankful:

• I have two healthy, wonderful children
• I have a great husband (the type that lets his wife sleep in and gets up with the baby and toddler)
• I am close to my family
• I have a roof over my head and food in the cupboards
• I am in a country where hearing I had cancer was not a death sentence because I may not have been able to afford the treatments
• I may be physically disabled, but I still have some abilities
• I have good friends that love me for who I am
• I am alive (f**k you, cancer!)

So enjoy your weekend, supper, and life! 

Mentally Surviving Cancer

Anyone that has found out they have cancer knows that not only are you going to be fighting the cancer in your body, but you will also be fighting a mental battle.  There will be a lot of thoughts and ways you view yourself that will threaten to bring you to a state of unbalance, anger, and depression.  Here's some thoughts from me to help with the post diagnosis time of your life:


Forgive yourself for having cancer.
I know this seems like a silly thing to say but one of the first things most think about, after the shock of the fact they have cancer, is to question "Why?".   No matter if it is genetic, something you encountered in your past, because you turned left and not right as the moon rose in the night sky, you are not being punished, you are not being singled out, you are not at fault.  Sometimes "bad" things just happen.  And, it may be hard to see now, but there is a chance that you will find a lot good throughout the experience.

Find the sexy in your new body.
A lot of treatments can lead to scars, indents in your body, or missing parts.  This was deemed necessary by your counsel of doctors/physicians, but that doesn't make the end result any less hard to live with.  Your body has been altered.  You are not the "you" that you had come to see day in and day out for all the previous days of your life.  As an adult you may find that you feel less attractive, you are scared to show this part of you, and your reflection is an ever present reminder of being diagnosed.  You may need a lot of time and solitude to find the acceptance you need to see that scar as a victory, see that missing piece of you as part of life and not a damnation.  If you already have a partner, talk with them about how your new body makes you feel.  If you do not have a partner, you must come to your own conclusion to when you want to tell prospective loved ones of your journey.  Fear of rejection is something we encounter whenever we share something intimate, like having (had) cancer.  Just remember if they cannot accept that part of your life, they don't deserve you.  No matter what love yourself and treat yourself with respect, don't accept anything less from someone else.

Cut the stress ties.
You have enough on your mind, if someone or something is only a source of stress, sever the connection.  Some will be so kind as to cut the ties themselves, making you feel abandoned.  It hurts to admit it, but some people are only fair-weather friends and do not care for you as deeply as you care for them.  This is almost more difficult to deal with than your sexual identity and the blame that you place on yourself for having cancer.  You need companionship, it helps with fighting the feeling of isolation you may encounter.  Having people berate, belittle, abuse you will not help you, even if you did not have cancer.  Hold those that love you close, say goodbye to those that cannot find it in themselves to cherish you.

Take a Cancer Vacation.
You may say this is a ridiculous notion but hear me out. Your mind needs a break, it needs down time, just like your body needs a rest between treatments.  So, either during the before mentioned breaks or after treatment is completed, take a vacation from your cancer, even if only for a day.  Find some friends that you can party with that know you just need a day to be you and not the cancer patient.  Run away by yourself for a relaxing time, lock yourself in a spa and forget about hospitals for a day.  Hide away with the family in a hotel and just enjoy each other with no IV's, surgeons, or cancer ribbons in sight.  Try to take as much time as you can, but at least get 24 hours under your belt to help rejuvenate your mind.

Find someone you can talk cancer to.
Doctors do not count here (unless the are survivors themselves).  Find someone that has (had) cancer and can relate to your situation.  They may not have (had) the same cancer, they may have (had) the same type but different treatments, it doesn't matter.  You need someone that can fully understand you.  Someone that understands what it feels like to have cancer put their life on hold.  You may find someone outside of an organization, or you may seek out a support group.  There's also organizations that hold retreats and conferences like Young Adult Cancer Canada.  Seek out a "cancer buddy".  Not only will your mental state benefit from this but it will give your loved ones a break from constant cancer talk.  They love you but need a break from cancer, too.

Get a pro.
When it comes down to it, you are going through a mentally straining situation.  Find a social worker or psychologist that can make sure your mental health is going in the right direction.  *This is not being weak*, this is being smart.  Friends and family are great, cancer buddies can give you advice, but when it comes down to it, you need someone that is a professional and has experience helping those going through cancer.  If you are having financial difficulties, these people may have groups/resources to help in that manner, or know who does. Many cancer centres have a list of social workers that are covered through insurance (and in Canada by your provincial health coverage).


I'm sure there's lots of other ideas and methods to help.  Try to remember to take it one step at a time, one chemo at a time, one treatment at a time.  You are still yourself, you are not your cancer.

Disappearing Act

I have not dropped off the face of the earth.  I had a baby.  My daughter was born early July and is doing great.  I have been suffering my injuries from the MVI from years ago, and my new addition soaks up what time and energy I have left.  I hope to be back to posting more frequently soon, I'm back to getting more treatments for my pain that were not available while I was pregnant.  Until then I shall leave you with this:

“When the chips are down, you are alone, and loneliness can be terrifying. Fortunately, I've always had a chum I could call. And I love to be alone. It doesn't bother me one bit. I’m my own company.” -Audrey Hepburn

Fear Rant Part 1

The following is one of my Facebook statuses that I was recommended to share more publicly.  **Language warning, there is some swearing**

"If I see ONE more fucking post about how Angelina Jolie's "public stunt" or "fear based decision" is going to just cause panic in perfectly healthy people I'm going to fucking snap! Of course fear was a fucking factor! We're talking about cancer, not a stuffed nose and itchy eyes!! She saw her mother go through the treatments, she got news that she carries a mutated gene that has been proven over the years to increase your chances of getting certain cancers substantially!

I think more people are pissed off that she's doing this in the public eye, well guess what? People are uneducated in the ways of cancer until it's too late. People are scared. People know that there's only so much control one has over their body and cells. Perfectly healthy people, people that went to extremes like, people that followed vegan lifestyles, people that exercised every day, can still get diagnosed with cancer! Cancer is like the Honey Badger: it doesn't give a fuck!

If someone finds out that medically they are a high risk of getting something and there's a procedure to make that risk drop substantially, get your head out of your ass and support them, whether they decide to go with the procedure or NOT!

It's their life, their choice, and you have no say unless they personally ask you for your option!

Fuck!"

 And in case you have never seen the "Honey Badger" video:

 

Preventative Surgery

As many have heard by now, Angelina Jolie has had prophylactic breast mastectomies (and reconstruction) after discovering she carries the BRCA1 gene.  This, to me, is great news in that she has openly admitted that anyone can carry the gene, she is still in the young adult category and is admitting to being at risk of cancer, but above all else, she is encouraging people that if they have the option to have surgery to lessen their risk of cancer they should feel no judgement or guilt for doing so.

Choosing to have preventative surgery is not new to the medical field.  It is a personal choice and I ask everyone to not belittle someone's beliefs for either choosing to have it or to not have it.

The following is an exerpt from omg.yahoo's "The Juice":

Angelina Jolie, known for being fiercely private, has made a very personal disclosure.
The Oscar-winning actress reveals in an emotional op-ed for the New York Times that she underwent a double mastectomy earlier this year after a blood test showed she was genetically susceptible to cancer.

"The truth is I carry a 'faulty' gene, BRCA1, which sharply increases my risk of developing breast cancer and ovarian cancer," she writes. "Once I knew that this was my reality, I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy."

The 37-year-old mother of six says her decision was triggered in part by the death of her mother, Marcheline Bertrand, who passed away from cancer at the age of 56. 

Over the course of three months, beginning in February and ending in late April, Jolie went through a series of medical procedures to have her breasts removed and then reconstructed. And her fiancé, Brad Pitt, stood by her side every step of the way.

"I am fortunate to have a partner, Brad Pitt, who is so loving and supportive," says Jolie. "Brad was at the Pink Lotus Breast Center, where I was treated, for every minute of the surgeries. We managed to find moments to laugh together. We knew this was the right thing to do for our family and that it would bring us closer. And it has."

Though she managed to keep the procedures under wraps, she says that she wanted to come forward now "because I hope that other women can benefit from my experience."

Jolie -- who says her chance of developing breast cancer has dropped "from 87 percent to under 5 percent" -- encourages any woman who is considering taking such a major step in safeguarding their health to discuss their risk factors with doctors as well as their options.

"On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman," she says. "I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity."

"Life comes with many challenges," she concludes. "The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of."

image care of ynaija.com