Wish List: Vacations

Next edition to the "wish list" or "impossible dreams" I have in my head. This one will cover two biggin's!

As I finally did start to come forward about, the trip that our family took last January was very far from "worry free" for Mike and I. The kids did have a great time, of course, but I'm not getting back into this tangent... On to the wishes:

Big Honeymoon Take II
Mike and I have a dream vacation in the back of our heads for a long, long time... I think about 10 years to be honest. It would be to fly Westjet first class down to Jamaica, stay for 2 weeks in a butler suite at Sandals, doesn't need to be the top of the line, just one with a nice whirlpool tub and fully stocked bar lol. We love Montego Bay, it was our location for our honeymoon, but part of us wants to go to Negril and stay on the lovely, long beaches. I think if we could go to either, we'd be ecstatic but neither is obtainable currently or ever in the near future. And there would be an excursion we would have to do, we'd need to visit Appleton Estates. We tried to before and it stormed so we could not have the tour, very disappointing. At least we got to sample all the liquor and it was the only disappointment that trip. Ultimate vacation would also include us getting to have a trip to the spa, have massages and more pampering, whatever was available!

Real Worry Free Family Vaykay
Maybe this would be me just asking for more trouble but I really wish I could have the worry free trip that we tried to have last winter. Fly to a Beaches location with Westjet, maybe I should have just stuck with Jamaica for a location, maybe then it wouldn't have been a horrible like at Turks and Caicos. Details for this one if it was ultimate family vaykay would be things like, again, a butler suite. Two weeks would be amazing, in a room that had a separate room for the kids so we could have some privacy. We'd have a nanny for a night or two so that we could go out for a couple night once or twice, and relax as much as possible. I just don't want to end up in tears multiple times like I did last time.

These are all very expensive, not even slightly financially possible dream vacations. But like I said, these are my impossible dreams

Wish List

I've been up and down all week, emotionally, so I'm thinking as a distraction, I'm going to start posting a few extravagant, basically unobtainable wishes that I would love to have but will never be able to do/receive. Maybe post a couple dreams every day or so.

Renovate the kitchen. We have the backsplash to put up but that's it. Doesn't need new appliances, just new cupboards, countertop, maybe a spacial redesign, but we'll never afford it any time soon and I'll likely never see it.

Have a chairlift installed so I can go downstairs easier. I might have to make this happen no matter what... Which leads to the last one that I'm going to post today. I'll dream more tomorrow, but lastly:

Pay off our credit cards. Every time we start to get on track emergencies happen and cancer happens, leaving us with more and more piling up. I just don't want to leave so much debt because of me....

Cheers

The World to Date: A Rant

A lot has been happening over the last few months. The chemo over the summer did not work. We discovered that I had tumours in my brain. I had radiation, another chemo, the pneumonia twice in a row. I keep hoping to go back on chemotherapy and start shrinking the tumours in my lungs, liver, bones, and the mass on my chest wall. However, I keep getting delayed, and I have been delayed, again. My oncologist is nervous of a tremor I have in arm and is going to have my head scanned to see if there is another tumour in my brain. If there's one tumour, it may possibly be treatable, if there's no tumours, great, if there's mulitple tumours, it's likely not treatable and all chemotherapy will be stopped. Treatment will have come to an end. I need to wait on a scan to know if I have the chance to continue treatment or if this is it.

Because it has come to this I have decided to make a huge fucking rant post. My sister said to me last weekend she rarely hears me complain, well, I'm about to.

I'm frustrated that Mike and I always seem to get the shaft and have to work triple hard just to get what others are given. Things like the wish vacation that we were sent on last January. Many were so happy for us and we were so excited. The entire week was stressful and upsetting for Mike and I. Yes, we can easily say that the kids had a blast, they did not have to deal with all the upsets that we had to constantly argue about, the problems that kept arising over and over again. The most relaxing time of the entire vacation for Mike and I was the flight from Turks and Caicos to Montreal.  Everything else was a aggravated, disappointing mess. I was in tears there more than once. Not a worry free vacation at all.

And it's not just that. Constantly we go away and we end up with the hotel room that is falling apart. Our plans are destroyed and given no compensation or remorse from the parties involved. Oh, sometimes Mike and I can complain to the point of a slight rectification, but only if we're willing to fight, and it's always a fight.

I might be finding out tomorrow that I'm at the end of the line. I might not get to ever try to go on a real worry free vacation with my family now. I might be preparing for the "lasts": the last Christmas, the last birthday, the last summer vacation, if I haven't already passed that line. And I'm angry. I don't want it to be the end of the line. I don't want this to be all that is available, but it seems to be the way our lives go. Yes, I probably sound like I'm whining, but right now I don't fucking care.

I know, too, that I have had small fortunes sent my way. I have several friendships that have developed due to cancer that I would not give up for the world. Whether we speak only on Facebook or in person, I cherish these friends, dearly.

Honestly, I want to type more. I'll have to do a continuation. I'm too sore and the painkillers are not kicking in all the way yet. But for now you have my bitching notes. And I'm going to remind people that I don't want to respond to 500 "any news" messages, tomorrow. I post stuff when I'm ready