Happiness is something fleeting lately, I find. Pure and total "I'm completely content and happy" moments are so few and far between it grates at the soul. And it wasn't until I was talking with an old friend from ages ago last week that I did discover something. I do know one thing that always makes me happy. I had left it behind. I would bring it to the light once in a blue moon and in those moments I would be happy. My heart would purr like a newborn kitten drinking it's mother's milk. But I had left it for so many tiny, tiny reasons.
My art was something I did everyday. And not just everyday, but all day. During school (and I did get honours on more than one occasion while doings so, thank you!), after school, in the evening, late nights, while watching TV, while talking on the phone... I always had my books of papers, sketch books, sketch pads, binders, and whatnot on me, along with enough pens and pencils to fuel the fire.
Over time, you need a job, and you cannot always draw on the job. Then you want to see friends, and conversations cannot always be carried while doodling with a pen and paper. You get your own place, there's more cleaning and responsibilities. Work.. need more work to make the bills. Relationships. Family. Health. Accidents. Life...
But I let it happen. I have no one to blame but myself. And it took someone saying to me "Well, it always did make you happy, your art." to realize that in fact, it did.
I have so many pieces of art that are stored away, and not just on paper, in my computers and in my head. I really wish I knew how to work flash or some simple animation tool.. I have so many ideas. But I think I will do this for now: I will find one of my old comics that was mine and mine alone (some had friends' contributions and ideas, don't want to take from them), and I will reinvent it to be a webcomic. Now, can I find them, and can I find the time, my old ability, and audience? Time will tell. But I know it will do one thing. It will make me happy.
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