A Glimpse

For a second I'll let you into my mind, here's my daily thoughts:

I'm so tired, why can't I feel normal today? I actually slept all night for once, why can't I get more energy?

I love my kids...but they're assholes at times...but I love them to bits.

I feel so bloody lazy, why can't I stop hurting long enough to get (insert basic household chore here) done.

Why does that hurt? Is the cancer spreading?

I hate you, idiot that caused the car accident in '08.

I love Mike, why the hell does he put up with me?

I wish I could draw more.

I wish I could work.

I miss being really active and fully independent...

I wish there was some way I could help us financially.

And finally:

What if I need to go back on iv chemo? I won't be able to watch the kids for days, Mike would need time off work that we can't afford, can I mentally deal with the way it makes me physically feel again? Would it be better to just let the cancer run its course?..