Saturday, 23 July 2016

Shouldn't Be Surprised...But I Am

There's a lot that goes on in even the average day-in-the-life-of-Julie.  I go through a tirade of emotions and levels of pain.  I have lots of dips in the mental strength area.  I have a lot of moments of weakness.  It's the new normal.  I have a normal.  So there's things that are not normal for my everyday, and they surprise me, but for some reason I keep being told they shouldn't.  They do because they are not my normal.

What surprises me?  People actually being nice to others and not wanting something in return.  This includes people taking the time and effort to make meals for my family, taking a moment to call/text/msg me or Mike to see how we are actually doing and not assuming, people that follow through, now that really surprises me lately.

It's come to the point that I see people that understand how the shadow of death looms over the future of people with late stage cancer and I am in awe.  I have seen some friends get things they so justly deserve: family vacations, help with child care, and even help with paying off debts that got out of whack with their diagnosis.  Cancer happens.  None of us did anything to deserve it, like you insinuate when you tell us what diet will cure us, like when you tell us of all the things to stop because you saw a hoax video that you now take as the Gospel truth, when you look through us as we tell you we are still trying to live.  You might mean well with your pseudo science, but you're making a bad situation worse.

Then there's the other side, those that refuse to admit we're deathly sick.  This is why I'm so shocked when I hear about people that "get" what it's like to live with ailments and don't judge a single ounce.  They just act like we should be able to do everything, we're making a mountain out of a molehill, or compare us to people without terminal/permanent illnesses.  First off, no one person is the same, and we all have our difficulties in life.  Now, remembering that we all have issues we're dealing with, start envisioning some of the complications that illnesses add to that.  The constant appointments, the tests, anxiety waiting for the results, the defeat when things are worse, the brief breath when things are okay knowing that could change in a heart beat, the pain, the mental confusion, the exhaustion, the constant questioning of self, and so much more.  As much as one tries to convey what reality is for these people to understand, they don't get it, and likely never will.

I am also surprised when someone doesn't turn the situation to about themselves.  Trying to make the victim be the cause of their pain, trying to make the patient be the fault in their life.  It's common... all too common.  People would rather point out "all you have to be positive about" instead of admitting you might have a reason to be as depressed, sad, angry, upset, etc.  They also like to start fights when there is no reason for one other than that they want the focus on them and not one second on someone else.  They're more important, the world must bow to them.

So, yes, I am surprised when people are nice to me and my family.  Especially those that do not know us that well.  I'll be thankful every time I'm surprised, and try to not wallow in the times that my "normal" surrounds me for long periods of time.

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