Chemo Shower - Brought to you by midnight wine

Last night Mike and I had some merlot and late night nachos.  The following idea then came to me before we headed for bed: chemo showers.

When people are going through a huge change, there's sometimes a party to help the person/people out.  People bring gifts that will assist with the change.  Baby showers, you bring diapers, clothes, formula, creams, toys, or baby furniture items to help the parents.  Wedding showers you give small appliances, gift cards for renovations, silverware, dishes, china, or whatever the couple has asked for help with.  So what about when you're about to not be as functional because of chemotherapy treatment?

You have found out you will be on chemo.  You get a couple of your best friends together and pick a date to have a chemo shower, either before the first one or after you have the first treatment for a better idea of how it will affect you.  Either have the party in house, at a friend's, or your favourite restaurant.  Decorate with things that make you happy: your favourite colours, your favourite quotes, your happiest photos, pictures of kittens, whatever your desire.  People bring gift cards for food, coffee/tea, takeout restaurants, or vouchers for cleaning, childcare, or drives to the hospital/grocery store, or self pampering things that you might not be able to afford like a massage (even just a foot/hand/scalp massage), gel nails, gift card to your favourite store to get movies/games, or a pricey restaurant that you adore their desserts.  The theme is always support and joy.  This is a great time to say exactly what you will need help with.  Make a list of needs and post it on the wall (make it fun with a poster board and make it a "pin the chemo bag on the thing they will help with" game), let people sign up for what they can do.  Susan can help watch the kids for the January 4th chemo treatment.  Jack can come mow your lawn on May 16th.  Paul will take the kids overnight on October 12th so you can have a night to yourself when you are most likely to feel like going out for a night.  Janice will drive you to your treatment on February 27th.  Chris will take you to the movies on August 19th for a fun afternoon.  Think about not only your treatment days, but the days when you are feeling a bit normal, you need to have a life and have fun.

So that's my thought.  Brought to you by fajita chicken bacon nachos and merlot.  #Omnomnom

Ode to Today

I am exhausted, I am stressed
My mind is spinning, the house is a mess.
Cleaning is not happening, a guess?
No motivation is currently possessed


I must nurse our canine
Corral the kids, protect the felines
“Don’t hold her like that” is a common line
Ask me how I fare? “Oh, fine”


Chemo to take, and caffeine to think
Want to just slip in bed and sink
Hide in the covers, gone in a blink
Forget, disappear, let my mind sync


Clothes to fold and put them away
Stand looking at the room with only dismay
Appointments, calls, food needs made
Close my eyes and heart to today


I cannot feel outside of the void
Different methods with, I have toyed
The result the same, still annoyed
Throw on a smile, a worthy decoy


Do what I must and continue
Trudge, walk, crawl, roll through
Tomorrow may be different, true
But the darkness still floods deeper in hue

Moments of Thanks and Inspiration

I'm in a bad spot right now.  To help avoid a "downer" blog - which seem to be too often lately - I'm taking a moment to try to think of a lot things I'm grateful for:

• I have my soul mate as my spouse. Mike and I honestly say the same thing at the same time quite often. We can finish sentences, we want to cuddle at the same time, we can be apart or do different activities and not feel left by the other.  I can never be grateful enough for him.
• My talents. I love that I can do a lot of things on my own. I do wish that I could do them more often but that's leading into some of the dark stuff, so let's avoid that part. I love that I can draw to express myself, I love to write, to do woodworking, metalworking, I can build things with my hands with many mediums, and love to sing.
• I have some pretty amazing friends. Friends that will do whatever they can for me, that go out of their way to see me smile, from watching the kids to sending surprises that mean a lot to me in the mail.
• My kids are sometimes exasperating but they are also a source of happiness. I get hugs, kisses, and "I love you"s often.
• I'm able to still do some things, even if I cannot do everything any longer.  I can still feel slightly useful as I am not bedridden.
• My cats and dog love me and give me cuddles. 
• I have a chemo regimen that appears to be working.
• I apparently inspire people to do good.  This one I want to talk more about for a second:

I have had a lot of people tell me ways they were inspired by my actions.  It has been from being their new selves after surgeries or other issues that made them have scars or marks that make them appear different than the average person to stepping up and helping another person.  One person stopped worrying about wearing a prosthetic breast because she saw me freely walking around with one breast (and the remaining breast made it extremely obvious I only had one).  In relation to that IDGAF attitude, others have stopped trying to hide scars or missing hair, etc, and told me it was because I gave them the inspiration to just care about how they saw themselves instead of how others might react.  Some have told me they cannot believe the amount of things I help come to fruition.  I helped save a retreat, I helped make welcome bags more full than they would have been, I organize events with little effort.  To me, it is little effort.  I can plan these things easily.  I know enough about Excel and Word that I can make things very simple.  I have an ancient version of Adobe Photoshop and I can work that thing to my needs extremely easily.  If I am going to be an inspiration, I want you to take away one thing from me.  This is why I do what I do.  This is what makes me want to do things for others, whether they know it is me or not:

If something needs to be done, do what you can.

Change does not happen by shrugging your shoulders.  Help does not come from twiddling thumbs.  You cannot help if you are too worried what others will think of you.  Follow your heart, it is speaking to you, it twinges when you know that you can do something to right a situation.  Be selfless sometimes, think of how happy you can make someone with something as simple as a small, inexpensive gift or by doing a selfless act.  Share your friends' fundraising efforts, share their attempts to go outside their safe zone, share their events, share their triumphs, help where you can.  Can you imagine a world where everyone tried to help when they knew they could?