I started a GoFundMe after saying "no" to it for a while. I want to get out why I was saying "no" at first. For one, a friend tried once before for me when the cancer came back and it was a flop. This seems to be the norm for any personal campaigns for my family. It's just the way it works. Maybe it's because we're used to working for everything. I was working in elementary school as a newspaper carrier, I had a pet sitting business, I made crafts. One I could fully work, I had a job. Then another job, and sometimes more. I did manual labour, tech work, I did it all because I like earning my money. I'm limited now. Very limited. I've tried to do more but physically cannot. I need to accept that.
Now that I'm back on chemo, I tire quicker and quicker each dose. I have three awesome kids that can be tyrants because they're all under 9 years old, they're kids, they act like kids. The average mother will agree that the most agreeable child can become a tempest of doom in a heart beat. Kids are growing, they get frustrated, they are learning how to express themselves, it does not always mean they found the proper way to do that yet.
My husband had started his career before we met and long before we married. We had lots of plans and we could do them all on our own until someone caused a car collision and I was permanently injured. Now I can't do a lot of the stuff I once could. Then cancer compounded onto that. This month alone, I have eleven (11) doctor's appointments and I'll be having a bone scan. Bone scans take 4-6 hours depending on a plethora of variables. I need child care for two kids for all of those appointments, I need gas to travel the average of 30km to the appointments (one way), I need to pay for parking (but I do get it half price at least), I have to pay for my prescriptions including chemo, thank heavens my husband's plan covers them. (Before anyone asks I have to pay for my chemo because it's dispensed at a pharmacy outside of the hospital).
I'm the one that does most of the cooking. Why? My dad taught me how to cook and bake and I like doing it. My husband does try to help when he can, he really loves helping with chocolate chip cookies, but I'm the cook in the family, that's our life. So I get tired and fall asleep because my body can't take it any longer, what happens then? If there's leftovers, they're used, if not it's one of two things: something my hubby is comfortable making, or take out. Three meals a day and snacks can add up on my tired body. We have been doing our best to make this strain less on me, but it still acts up often - who knew you had to eat every day several times! (HA!)
I have days I can't walk far because of pain. I have days I can't move without feeling like parts will shatter off my body. I have stabbing pain from the cancer sometimes. All this stuff is adding up. This is life with disabilities and cancer. Some are REALLY good a hiding the issues they face and, honestly, we generally pride ourselves in appearing "normal". I guess it's a case of masks. Today my mask will not show my back pain is already a 6 on the scale of 1 to 10. Today my mask will not show that my depression is kicking in. Today my mask will not show the tears I cried because I feel like I'm failing.
This is definitely now a rant... So this is part of the why I finally said okay to the campaign: It doesn't help my family if I'm prideful. I cannot do what I used to. I need help, I need to ask. I just hope that people will step up like they've offered before, and if nothing else SHARE the campaign.
To find the GoFundMe that I started CLICK HERE
I'm really so tired that I'm not even proof reading this before posting. My youngest is sick and I got to come back to finish this after I picked him up from daycare, got his fever down, fed him, and got him to have a nap. I'm tired. I'm going to have a nap and worry about supper after. This is my day
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