Tuesday, 15 July 2014

Admission of Darkness

I honestly cannot remember if I mentioned this earlier or not, but I've been living with something for a while and never found a way to fully admit it. I've had depression, or at least the specialists are calling it "depressive symptoms".

The fact is since the accident I've been trying to come to terms with my limitations. To say it's hard is an understatement. I went from being completely independent to needing help for what I feel are the simplest things. It's humiliating, really. I'm in my early thirties and need help with getting groceries, caring for my kids, taking care of the house, even driving at times. It opened a door to a misty world. In that world I could see the joy that would happen but the chill of the mist always touched me, always enveloped me.

After finally talking openly about it, I started medication. My friends, family, even specialists are seeing a difference in me. I'm lucky that this first medication seems to be helping without any side effects.

I'm posting this because I want people to know you don't normally know you are getting depressed. The only way to even start realizing out is to evaluate your own behavior in the past. I noticed I was "hiding" from social media, I was avoiding friends, my favorite activities were no longer stimulating, I had even been avoiding sex. My hope is that reading this may reveal a mirror so you can reflect on your own past. If you see that you have been regularly avoiding things or people you love that you talk to your doctor, see a specialist, something. I know for me it was hard to make the appointment, that was part of my depressive symptoms, I had a hard time talking about it, it took a lot to say anything.

I think I'm on the mend, mentally, finally, but only time will tell.

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