Happy Bday Hubby

This post may seem like a "#humblebrag", but I'm starting to think that it's something that more people need to be aware of.

My hubby is having his bday soon.  He's been by my side through more crap than most couples need to deal with in the first few years of their marriage.  I wanted to put out into the interwebs what kind of man he is.

Before my husband I had heard of people saying they "married their best friend" and I didn't fully know how that felt.  I had been married before and it was not a good situation.  It took me a long time to realize what that relationship was.  This marriage that I'm in now is completely different.  I can say that I married my bestfriend.  A part of our relationship is so similar to what I have with those that I have long called my bestfriends.  We can laugh, cry, complain, be smart-assed, or just hang out doing absolutely nothing, and be content together.  We love to play video games together, we can read books on the couch together and not say a word, we can watch movies together because we have the same tastes for the most part.  No, we're not exactly alike, if one of us wants to do something that other doesn't, we don't force it on the other.  We just do our own thing at that point, it's not a big deal.

Our relationship isn't just a PG life, we are compatible lovers.  It's taboo to say stuff like that in our society but taboos can suck it - we're married, we love each other, we have sex.  That should be painfully evident since we have three kids.  Throughout our entire relationship, we've been able to enjoy our play-time together.  We can both say that we have fun with sex and neither of us ever pressures the other into having sex - something I didn't understand was possible for a long time. 

Hubby is a good father, too.  He takes care of our kids, he's not just a couch potato, even though he's worked all day.  He plays with the kids, helps with discipline, teaches the kids, hugs them, and kisses them.  He is always there when they need him, but he doesn't do everything so they can learn some independence.  I know that no matter what, he is a responsible parent, a gentle hand but firm teacher.

This is our relationship.  We're able to be by ourselves and be happy.  We're able to love each and not feel forced into it.  We're able to be apart and not fear what the other is doing, we miss each other a lot, but we're not able to feel that the other is up to something.  Here's the part many do not understand about us - we don't fight.  We don't.  We've never yelled at each other.  We don't argue.  We've disagreed before but it was a conversation, not an argument.  You may think I'm lying, but I'm not.

I think that there's a lot of compromise in relationships, and that's okay to an extent.  I found I compromised a lot and it lead to bad relationships.  I finally said that I would not change me for someone and found someone that never once asked me to.  I found someone that I didn't need to wear a mask with, someone that doesn't need me to bend to their will to keep them happy.  I've been in bad relationships and learned over a long time that I was dealing with issues because of compromising myself for my partner.  Do I think any of my bad relationships would have lasted after I was permanently injured from the car collision?  No.  Do I think any of my bad relationships would have lasted after my cancer diagnoses?  Hell no.  Not all relationships can take that kind of stress, especially with kids in the mix.  I'm extremely lucky, and I know it.  My hubby loves me no matter how many scars I have, no matter what parts of me get removed or rebuilt to not-the-same reconstruction, no matter if I'm really sick or able to function for the day.

What I'm trying to say, interwebs, is that even though I went through the bad relationships, I now finally understand what a relationship with a lover, partner, spouse is supposed to be.  Our relationship isn't 50/50, we're both very present in it.  I know that if he has a problem, he will talk to me.  He knows that if I have a problem, I will talk to him.  I know that every night that we get to go to bed together we'll fall asleep cuddled, with our last words to each other being, "Love you, goodnight sexy/handsome".  My greatest wish is for everyone to one day know this kind of relationship.

Happy bday, handsome.  Love every moment with you xoxo