Take a moment to remember

"In war, there are no unwounded soldiers." -Jose Narosky
Lest we forget

YACC Survivor Conference 2012

Hullo one and all.  I have been slightly absent as I dealt with life these past few months.  I wanted to thank all those that helped me raise the funds to come to Conference.  Getting to talk and share with these few people that understand exactly my predicament because they have been through a lot of the same issues is simply intoxicating.  You go from feeling as though you are the rare mythical creature on display for the world to see, to feeling like you found your herd, your flock, your school, your pack, your pride.

I am reflecting and thinking of all the great connects that were worked on here.  The new connections with those I have never met before, the nurturing of the connections previously started, and the reminiscing of those connections lost over the year.

I cannot find the words to describe what being at YACC's Conferences is like.  This is something that a few of us discussed.  All I can do is share some feelings that come with the time we get to spend together: acceptance, love, admiration, loyalty, connectivity, joy, sorrow, exuberance, peace.

The Face of Breast Cancer

The face of breast cancer is not pink ribbons and newly pink items. It's women of all ages losing their hair, their breasts, their ovaries, their independence, their self image, and sometimes their lives. Support those programs to help patients, survivors, and supporters

age: 29

 

All In Who You Know

The old adage is as true as there is water in the seas: it is all in who you know.  Some may think I am referring to financial or business success, but I am not.  What about your mental and physical well-being?  When it comes down to it, if you are surrounded by people that love, respect, admire your inner traits, and truly care for you, you will have a better outlook of yourself.  If your friends are always there when you need them, always willing to listen to you and offer sincere advise to help better you with no ulterior motives, then would you not find your soul nurtured?

When it comes down to it, you have so many that are out there with only their interests in mind.  These are the people that are gone the second you need help, but on your doorstep the moment they are in crisis.  They belittle you, call you down, criticize, neglect, and sometimes physically hurt you.  You cannot expect to have a healthy attitude or even maintain your physical health if you are surrounded by this sort of companion.

A great example of rising above your surroundings was shown to me last week when I met Eric Crookshank, former captain of the Halifax Rainmen at BCANS.  His talk was entitled “Perseverance  Through  Adversity”.  My mind started calculate all the hardships he had endured and still succeeded in becoming a great person.  Yes, he is a great business man, but I mean he is a genuinely wonderful soul.  As he told his story he would reference his best friends and his mother, they had become great strengths to him.  They were a focused beam of light that showed him that he had the potential to be better, through his facets, they showed him the rainbow of opportunities and support.  It was not his friends that created his success, but they were his boosters, his patrons.  They would help lift each other up, not try to hold each other down.

I find myself looking at my equations and finding that I have not had the right mix of support.  I have stumbled many times with giving my friendship and love to those that were out to pull me down.  I am thankful to see that some that I thought would not want me have smiled and openly accepted me.  Some have started to express nothing but admiration for my qualities.  These are the people we all need.  These are the ones we need to know.

Trying to get to SC2012

Goodday readers.  I have been trying to raise the money to get to Young Adult Cancer Canada's Survivor Conference (it's November 1-5th in Toronto, this year).  I've been running a bottle drive and tried promoting my artwork.  There is a secure website to send donations, as well.  If you can spare $5, $10, $20 or more, I'm trying to cover the cost of my travel expenses, that's all.  Well, I say "that's all" but the cost of a flight is pretty daunting when you have extremely limited funds.  Anyways, the link to the website is HERE, just follow these instructions to ensure that your donation goes to helping me get to conference:

You need to search Young Adult Cancer Canada first and select their page. Next you enter the donation amount and choose my name (Julie Michaud) in the drop-down menu box. Please help me afford going to this.  I get to meet other young adults going through cancer and there are workshops and guests that help us with the issues we face.

Thank you for all you guys do for me.

Hard Lessons Learned

One of the toughest things I've had to deal with in life, even before cancer, was discovering the true self of a friend.  I have lost those that I considered to be good people and good friends once their facade dissipated, revealing an ugly side.  A side that you did not conceive that person being capable of.  And, as I've found in many situations, it is not until you step back and re-evaluate the friendship that you find the truth of the matter: they were never hiding their arrogance, pretentiousness, or vaingloriousness, you just favoured their good traits, turning a blind eye to their malevolence.

On Facebook, many people friend anyone that they know, or think they know.  This has some with thousands of "friends".  Others only friend the people they truly wish to keep in contact with, they tend to only have a couple dozen to a couple hundred at most.  On Facebook, blocking people has seemed to turn away from keeping unwanted eyes away from your daily life, to the act of if someone does not agree with everything you think is right then you block them.

For some, it is no skin off their back to have the delete/block button at the ready.  They have the power to take someone out of their life in an instant.  The internet is full of safeguards, if you make a mistake or simply change your mind you can "undo" your act.  They can leave with a comment of "I wish you would die" or "You deserve to die (or have cancer)" and think they were fully in the right to give you that sentence.  At times I wonder if they simply belittle the act of losing someone to death?  They are gone.  You may have them in your mind, think of them often, and reflect on good times, but that person is no longer there for those that do love them.  Are we becoming a generation that thinks it is okay to be so malevolent?

No, as a generation I cannot see that being the norm.  Many people still care for others, even strangers, and many try to be good people.  The fact is that some still believe the world revolves around them because they cannot see passed their eyes.  They do not understand that the world owes them nothing, but they owe the world to be the best human they can be.

I came to the conclusion today after having someone I've known for 16 years turn from a friend to a fiend, attacking one of my friends and wishing them death, that we need to accept that we cannot always predict what a person truly thinks of you.  You may think of them as good, but they may only be using you when you are useful to their endeavours.  Leaving me to come up with this epiphany:

"If someone blocks you because of their pretentiousness, did you lose a friend or weed out an antagonist? Either way, you discover they were not who you thought they were and you are better off without them."

The only one that lost the friendship was I, it was my mistake in seeing only the good and not acknowledging the enmity.

Who am I?

I ask "who am I?"

Am I the cancer that invaded my tissues or organs?  Am I the lost amongst the statistics?  Am I the forgotten in the sea of sponsoring corporations?  Am I the one that forfeited their claim to a healthy life?  Am I the astray because I have fallen?  Am I the dismembered or disfigured?  Am I the broken dreams?  Am I the shortened sight?  Am I the pain?  The torture?  The sorrow?  The loneliness?

I am the one that cries because of my strength.  I am the one that faced death and did not give in.  I am the confident because I must be.  I am the defier, I am the stubborn.  I am the unstoppable, even if death wins.  I am the courageous because I will not yield.  I am the caring because I have lost.  I am the victor because I am powerful.

I will be weak, I will be strong.  I will bend, but I will not break.  I will risk, for that is how reward is found.  I will be vulnerable, I will be benevolent.  I will stumble, but I will rise.

Who am I?  I am what and who I let myself be.  I am me.  And, I am unstoppable.