What is YACC?

So.  What is YACC?  The quick answer is, "Young Adult Cancer Canada" (www.youngadultcancer.ca), but that's not the full answer.  YACC is something much more complicated than that.

YACC is the feeling of not being alone.  It brings together those of us that have cancer, had cancer, live with cancer, love someone with cancer, support someone with cancer, and many more combinations.  We have a starting point to understand what life is with cancer because of them.  We have a way to unite and share because of YACC.  YACC gives us the connection that we thirst for the moment we hear the words "You have cancer."

YACC is the middle finger to the idea of being the typical cancer patient.  It helps us see people enjoying life while their body scans light up like a Christmas tree.  We see life in the defiance of the the shadow of death that lurks in our bodies.  YACC lets us believe that we can have life in this vortex of despair.

YACC is the sorrow of seeing others leave our community.  The grief of being here while others did not make it.  But, through us, they are celebrated.  We honour them by keeping the truth of YACC alive in our hearts.  We miss them as they would have missed us.  We do find solace in the fact that we can grieve together, that we can cherish our times with the fallen as a community and not just wallow in our darkness alone.

YACC is a heart that welcomes us the moment we connect.  The moment we are joined by email, text, online group, or in-person, we are one in the same.  We are loved, we are understood, we are united.  It is the one point of wholeness.  We are unquestionably one.  YACC is devoted to us as individuals and as a group.  YACC is accepting.

What is YACC?  I am YACC.  We are YACC.  YACC is living after hearing the word cancer.  YACC is life.

Might sound a bit creepy, but honestly, until you are a part of YACC it's hard to understand.  I hope you never need to comprehend this feeling, never need to answer the question "What is YACC?", but if you to remember one thing:

"Any cancer, any stage, YACC's got your back."

Disappearing Act

I have not dropped off the face of the earth.  I had a baby.  My daughter was born early July and is doing great.  I have been suffering my injuries from the MVI from years ago, and my new addition soaks up what time and energy I have left.  I hope to be back to posting more frequently soon, I'm back to getting more treatments for my pain that were not available while I was pregnant.  Until then I shall leave you with this:

“When the chips are down, you are alone, and loneliness can be terrifying. Fortunately, I've always had a chum I could call. And I love to be alone. It doesn't bother me one bit. I’m my own company.” -Audrey Hepburn

The Purpose of Life

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love is the greatest weapon

I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. - Martin Luther King, Jr

Hard Lessons Learned

One of the toughest things I've had to deal with in life, even before cancer, was discovering the true self of a friend.  I have lost those that I considered to be good people and good friends once their facade dissipated, revealing an ugly side.  A side that you did not conceive that person being capable of.  And, as I've found in many situations, it is not until you step back and re-evaluate the friendship that you find the truth of the matter: they were never hiding their arrogance, pretentiousness, or vaingloriousness, you just favoured their good traits, turning a blind eye to their malevolence.

On Facebook, many people friend anyone that they know, or think they know.  This has some with thousands of "friends".  Others only friend the people they truly wish to keep in contact with, they tend to only have a couple dozen to a couple hundred at most.  On Facebook, blocking people has seemed to turn away from keeping unwanted eyes away from your daily life, to the act of if someone does not agree with everything you think is right then you block them.

For some, it is no skin off their back to have the delete/block button at the ready.  They have the power to take someone out of their life in an instant.  The internet is full of safeguards, if you make a mistake or simply change your mind you can "undo" your act.  They can leave with a comment of "I wish you would die" or "You deserve to die (or have cancer)" and think they were fully in the right to give you that sentence.  At times I wonder if they simply belittle the act of losing someone to death?  They are gone.  You may have them in your mind, think of them often, and reflect on good times, but that person is no longer there for those that do love them.  Are we becoming a generation that thinks it is okay to be so malevolent?

No, as a generation I cannot see that being the norm.  Many people still care for others, even strangers, and many try to be good people.  The fact is that some still believe the world revolves around them because they cannot see passed their eyes.  They do not understand that the world owes them nothing, but they owe the world to be the best human they can be.

I came to the conclusion today after having someone I've known for 16 years turn from a friend to a fiend, attacking one of my friends and wishing them death, that we need to accept that we cannot always predict what a person truly thinks of you.  You may think of them as good, but they may only be using you when you are useful to their endeavours.  Leaving me to come up with this epiphany:

"If someone blocks you because of their pretentiousness, did you lose a friend or weed out an antagonist? Either way, you discover they were not who you thought they were and you are better off without them."

The only one that lost the friendship was I, it was my mistake in seeing only the good and not acknowledging the enmity.

Quote for May

"Haters are cold and small, like ice cubes. Nice people are warm and bright, like sunshine. Ice cubes out number the sunshine? Not a problem." - Tarol Hunt, creator and artist of Goblins

Quote for January II

1 Peter 3:13-15 Who will harm you if you are eager to do what is good? But even if you should suffer for doing what is right, how happy you are! Do not be afraid of anyone, and do not worry. But have reverence for Christ in your hearts, and honor him as Lord. (GNT)

Quote for January

"The crucifixion happened before the resurrection. Sometimes we must first experience extreme pain before freedom and joy." - Mark Brown

December quote

"I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the word seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses." -- Taylor Caldwell

Quote for November II

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.” - Unknown

Quote for November

Only in your moments of pure vulnerability does your heart make the strongest connections. - Julie Michaud

Another Quote for October

“This life is yours. Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.” -  Susan Polis Schutz

The story behind The Climb

Many people are wondering about "The Climb" that I am trying to raise funds to go to Conference with.  Here's the story from none other than the executive director of YACC, Geoff Eaton.

"Climb 2011

It started 12 years ago. The first Climb wasn’t really a climb at all. In fact it was a walk from my hospital bed where I stayed to the couch, in the temporary bedroom that was my mom’s family room. It was five steps—and they were giant.

After my first transplant (from my dad) in April 1999, I stayed in Toronto for three months. Finally in early July I returned home to Newfoundland to continue my recovery. The idea to create YACC (formerly RealTime Cancer) was born many months prior to this but as I came home from Toronto I really started to think about my well documented, but private goal, to start YACC by June 2000.

I woke up late night one Saturday night—July 25, 1999 to be exact—with the rygers and a temp. I went straight to the ER where my temp continued to rise. After five hours of the worst pain I’d had in my life, I got three hits of morphine. That is the last thing I remember for a month.

I went to the ICU later that day where I continued to lose ground. My Hickman catheter, my best friend for nine months saving so many needles, had developed an infection. Unknowingly I flushed that infection into my central line earlier that Saturday night when cleaning my Hickman before bed.

It was a week before I was put on life-support and placed in a drug-induced coma. That week, I shared my plans for my funeral with my parents, which I had planned privately earlier in my journey (and yes, Sinatra’s “My Way” was on the playlist). I gave my last wishes to my parents for the few precious possessions I had in my life to that point.

My docs explained to my family that “transplant patients don’t do well on life-support but at this point it’s Geoff’s best chance to battle this infection.” Under I went.

I was on life-support for three and a half weeks, I went into septic shock, had dozens of blood transfusions, my family was called in several times as my docs confirmed “it could be any hour now.” Ultimately my chances were less than 2 per cent. Good thing for me, 1 per cent is not 0 per cent. On August 23, 1999, my docs started to wake me from my coma.

Confused and simple, I had no idea what had happened. It took over a month for me to begin to get the slightest grasp what I had experienced. I was forced to rebuild in a manner I had never imagined, and while the physical rebuild was massive it was compounded by the fact that for the first time in my journey my mind wasn’t strong. I was unsure and scared.

I did manage to get a handle on next challenge: learning to walk again. When I woke, I couldn’t do anything for myself, except breathe—a major accomplish, I realize. My body was wasted from its efforts to fight the infections.

I wanted to get back on my feet and so my simple mind focused on a not-so-simple task. It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to walk, it was that I had no strength. My mom’s family room became my gym. On September 20, 1999, after two and half weeks of “work-outs,” I took those massive tiny first steps—five of them—from my hospital bed to my couch. The Climb was born that day.

The next year, after nailing my goal of starting YACC in June 2000, I wanted to mark the first anniversary of my first steps after ICU. There was no better place than to climb Signal Hill, a place I have frequented my whole life to hike, hang-out, and often reflect, especially during times of trial and throughout my journey.

It was a family/friend affair the first year; 170 of us went up the hill. We’ve done it every year since, but the event has evolved as the years have come and gone. There have been Climbs all over the world, literally: across Canada, Ireland, and Japan. For the past two years, we have brought it into the Survivor Conference. That is where it will stay for the foreseeable future.

The evolution of The Climb hasn’t just been in numbers and locations, but in purpose. It is now much less about my personal milestone and much more about beating the odds—something I know all of you know all about.

This year’s Climb will see us tackle a 5 km walk that will end on Parliament Hill as a part of the program on Saturday November 6.

In addition to the celebration of beating the odds, The Climb serves as a fundraiser to help pay for your travel to the Conference.

Raising money is totally up to you, but any money you fundraise will help offset the cost of your personal travel or that of other survivors to get the conference. The money is great, don’t get me wrong, but The Climb was always more about the message than the money. It’s just another option we provide for anyone who requires travel assistance.

Can’t wait to bring The Climb to Ottawa; hope you are up for it.

Always…

Live life. Love life.

Geoff"

Quote for October

"The mind has exactly the same power as the hands; not merely to grasp the world, but to change it." -Colin Wilson

How true, how true

"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain." - Author Unknown

Quote for October

A beautiful quote from a wonderful woman:

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

Quote for September

"We must hate the world enough to want to change it, but love the world enough to think it worth changing." - G.K. Chesterton

Education isn't just a right it's survival

I must say the lack of education behind some sentences that I've been reading and hearing lately is quite astounding.  I know I have been guilty of voicing opinions and discovering that I did not have all the facts, but there's some matters that until I understood the ins and outs I never thought to open my mouth (or set my fingers on the keyboard).

When it comes to your health, do not be uneducated.  Know what the recorded/possible side effects are for any treatment.  Talk to your doctor about your goals and desires.  Find a regiment that suits not only your affliction but your wants and desires as best as possible.  You'll find you heal much better when you are fully confident in not only your treatment but your relationship with your doctor.

Look outside the box for safe ways to boost your treatments both naturally and through new methods.  There's a lot of things out there that can help you.  I am glad to have found one that is not only safe but 100% effective in assisting me through my treatments.

My recent decision to "not go gentle into that good night" of waiting several years for reconstruction has brought a lot of people thinking they know everything to the plate.  There are people saying:
1. we should be happy to be alive.
2. there are people that are worse off.
3. reconstruction is offered at time of mastectomy.
4. we should stop throwing a "pity party".
5. there's only TWO doctors in all of Nova Scotia that can do the reconstruction.

Well, guess what, there's answers to all these statements that are found through actually being in the system and educating one's self on the dynamics of this cause.

1. "we should be happy to be alive."
Not once have we ever stated we were not happy and/or grateful to be alive.  We are very much enjoying being able to see our family, play with our children (grandchildren where applicable), hug our loved ones, enjoy our friends, continue our hobbies, and even simply breathe.  Do not assume we take our lives for granted.  We saw the possibility of death and we looked in the eye and said "NO!"

2. "there are people that are worse off."
 Why, yes!  There are!  There are those that did not make it through their journey and did die of cancer.  There are people out there with other diseases and ailments.  But guess what, if they were offered a way to feel somewhat normal, I bet they'd fight their butts off to be more normal now and not in 5 years.

3. "reconstruction is offered at time of mastectomy."
I assure you it is!  It's also denied to most that ask for it.  And some can pressure the doctors into it, but not all.  I demanded it.  I begged for it.  I did NOT get it, like many, many others.

4. "we should stop throwing a 'pity party'."
This is not a "pity party".  We want what we were promised, what we have a right to.  And we are not going to stand idly by while someone tells us that since we are now "cancer free" we "can wait".  I'm sorry but being told that the only way I can get my breast reconstructed within a matter of months is to go to the next province over is ludicrous.

5. "there's only TWO doctors in all of Nova Scotia that can do the reconstruction."
 Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but no, there's more than two surgeons in our province that can do reconstructions.  I personally haven't counted all of them but I assure you there's well over half a dozen in Nova Scotia alone.

For anyone that has not looked into this already, please pop over to Facebook and join our group in fighting for the right to have Reconstruction Sooner for Cancer Survivors!  Thank you

A message from a great man

The words of Jack Layton may he rest in peace

"To other Canadians who are on journeys to defeat cancer and to live their lives, I say this: please don’t be discouraged that my own journey hasn’t gone as well as I had hoped. You must not lose your own hope. Treatments and therapies have never been better in the face of this disease. You have every reason to be optimistic, determined, and focused on the future. My only other advice is to cherish every moment with those you love at every stage of your journey, as I have done this summer."

"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world."
-Jack Layton

Quote for August

"A sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected, and smile through the unbearable."--Moshe Waldoks