It's been years since I could have the kind of Christmas joy that takes over your entire being. I've had a lot of upsets in the last decade, making one Christmas after another just not "feel right". This isn't something that should be so complicated, but with life, is it ever anything but that?
I find that this year I have some of the joy coming to light. My husband returns home soon, that will make it seem more like Christmas. My son gets excited at all the items he's seen in the stores and doesn't realize they are in the room next to his, awaiting wrapping paper and a "Ho Ho Ho" from Saint Nick. I'm in a house that I don't need to worry or even think about the neighbours pulling any form of childishness. And soon we'll have the decorations up and bring that holiday sensation to a peak.
So why has it been so difficult the past few years? Well, going through chemotherapy, doctors appointments, physiotherapy, grieving for those that passed away recently, among other things weighs a soul down. Up until recently I haven't had anything lightening the load from my heart, it was always adding. My family, my husband especially, would strengthen me, give me the ability to carry the weight I had been burdened with. Now, I am finally starting to see some weight taken off.
The Christmas feeling isn't something that comes because you see Santa on every corner, or a Nativity scene displayed in every window. It's not snow on the ground, it's not a decorated tree with presents underneath. It's being with people that are honest, truly care for you, love you from their hearts and souls, completely believe in you, and respect you 100%. There's no room for betrayal, one-upsmenship, deceit, or lies in the Christmas feeling. Those actions actually steal from the joy and leave an emptiness in its place. Christmas is a celebration of giving, a celebration of new chances. Christmas is because of the gift God gave the Earth that day. Christmas is a ray of light to brighten the darkness. Christmas is hope. And my hope is happiness.