Had the pleasure of enjoying my anniversary present from my husband today. Before he had to leave to join the Navy ship in the Mediterranean, he booked me a day at the spa. *insert girlie giggle of glee here* Being able to relax for hours on end was nice for a change, and having the thought that it was a gift from my husband that is so far away made me feel a little closer to him.
But it wasn't just the pampering and care put into my body, it was the reinforcement that it did to my tired soul. Only after I had that moment to just be Julie, no one else, did I realize how shredded my soul had become. I've endured such evils, so many heartaches, and just like being in a bad relationship, it's not until you step away from it do you realize what it truly is. I've had enough experience in bad relationships and would still not see them for what they were unless I stepped back. One good thing is, I know now a lot of relationships that are good, even a source of strength. One that is a source of strength and peace is the one my husband and I have. We are our bestfriends. We could be stuck with each other 24/7 and be completely content, and when we are apart from each other we both feel beyond lost. I can only pray my son one day has this type of relationship with his wife.
But it's not just pain and suffering that we endure from someone's malice, it's the hardships that we all deal with in life. Sicknesses, losses, heartbreak, and emptiness.
I thought I had recovered enough from everything when I visited the Retreat back in April. I had healed some, but there's still a lot that has not been patched up. I realize that now. I'm hoping to find the rest of the answers. I'm hoping to feel the pure relief of a non-tortured soul. There's things I must do, things I must come to terms with, and things I must find a way to forgive or at least start the process if possible.
And if nothing else, I have hope.