Reconstruction Rant

Inspired by a question on a breast cancer group, I have some words about reconstruction after finding out you have breast cancer - no matter the stage.  In no particular order:

-It's okay to be scared even after you thought you were ready. This is a surgery, no matter if you chose to have the TRAM, DIEP, GAP, Expanders over or under muscle, or Lat Dorsi, it's scary and you're allowed to be afraid.

-You're allowed to want to do this so you can feel some normalcy in your life. You're not being vain, you're not "getting a free boob job", you are trying to gain some control of an uncontrollable situation and that's perfectly fine

-There's a lot of self appointed "Google Doctors" out there that are going to try to spread fear and misinformation to you. TRUST your doctors, they're the ones that went to school for years and years to become professionals. If you have legitimate concerns even after talking with a doctor, ask for a second opinion from a medical professional, not a non doctorate quack

-Yes, there will be pain, take your prescriptions on time. I had some always at my bedside so I could take them immediately after napping. Don't be proud, ask for help, you had surgery, you wouldn't expect someone that had knee surgery to do everything an hour after they leave the hospital. Give yourself credit, you are doing something, you are healing - that takes a lot out of you. REST

-There's always the risk it will fail. Know your options. If it does fail, what is your back up. I knew that my expander would likely fail, but knew that if it did I could still have the Lat Dorsi, TRAM, DIEP, or GAP if I wanted. Knowing that made living with the possibility that it could fail more tolerable.

-There's more than one type of implant. There's silicone (which is much safer now), saline, plus there's shaped ones like a tear drop or rounds, there's smooth and rough edged. They all have their plus' and minus', know your options

-Stock your freezer or set up help with making foods for the week after your surgery. There's things like https://www.mealtrain.com that you can use to help organize friends and family with meals. Best of all it's free.

-Ask for help with kids. Yes, you are going to be exhausted from healing. Read and watch shows with your kids but have someone that can take them out for play dates or even just stay in your house so you can rest. Remember: REST

-Horde pillows to help you find a comfortable sleeping position. Make adjustments, find your happy zone

-Know what lies ahead for your journey. If you're doing expanders, there will be an exchange for permanent implants unless they use the type that can be left in.

-Your new breasts may not look 100% breasty. Know that ahead of time. You may look immaculate, there may be scar tissue or healing issues. It's a gamble, like any alteration to your body. Know the risks, talk with your docs. Be blunt, you're permitted to know all the risks.

-If you your implants fail, see if you can keep the implant - they make for great stress toys 

33 months

Today is a hard day.  I have come to the conclusion that February 15th and I do not have a healthy relationship.  February 15th is the date for both of my mastectomies, but today is not difficult because of that.  Today is harder than some days because this is 33 months from the time we discovered my cancer had metastasized.  In the US studies, the average life span for stage 4 breast cancer patients is 33 months.  We do not have any proper statistics, that I can find, that are for Canadians.  And even if we look fully at the US studies, they do not include people like me, they are only for people diagnosed stage 4 at the start of their breast cancer diagnosis.

I find today hard because there was a chance I would not make it here.  Statistics said I might not see my son turn 3 years old.  They said that I might not see my daughter off to her first day of school.  I definitely would not see my eldest go to jr high, if this had been true statistics for my situation.  Even though these numbers that we are told after diagnosis are from the past, they still hit me hard.  I know many that have lived passed the 33 month mark, but I know a lot that have not even made 12 months.  Some did not even make 6 months.

There are a lot of emotions at play today.  I am happy to be here, I am tired because of the chemotherapy, I am pissed at all the snake oil salesmen and misinformation pushers that pounce on unsuspecting cancer patients, I am grateful for my chemo that has helped me be here today, I am thankful for my medical team, I am sad for all my friends that are not here, today.

I will have a lot of ups and downs today.  I just need to see the day through, but now I wonder if I am on borrowed time.

Chloe Comic September 2017: Bucket List Kicks the Bucket

Bucket List Kicks the Bucket

Chloe Comic August 2017: Dealing with Emotions

Dealing with Emotions

Chloe Comic June 2017 Someone Should Do Something

Someone Should Do Something

Chloe Comic June 2017

Conference Emotional Rollercoaster

YACC Saved a Life Yesterday

When you think of a support group for young adults with cancer, you probably just envision a bunch of people in a circle talking about treatments and life expectancy.  I'll tell you now that that is not how any retreat or conference works, it is so much more than merely that.  It helps create friendships and connections that are so different from your typical ones.  There's something deeper in the relationships that you make while attending a YACC event.  And, yesterday that helped save someone's life.

I'm not going to say anything specific because of several reasons, but I think people need to understand both that it's okay to have dark feelings, and to also know there's a couple ideas that you can do to help friends that are away.

Yesterday hubby and I had taken all the children to grandparents' houses for the night (whooo! We get to sleep in!), and I received a message asking if I was not busy by any chance.  A friend was trying to reach me to let me know our mutual YACC friend had delved into a dark place and refused to look for help as much as they had begged them to call - they wanted to end it all, they didn't see any point in living.  I told my husband I had to go call the friend, he knew who they were, soon I was on the phone with them.  They didn't want to deal with the daily pain anymore, they were dealing with so much and it was weighing down their soul.  I didn't know how to deal with this, I'm not a trained crisis counselor, I'm just their friend, thousands and thousands of kilometers from them.  I had a heartbreaking moment of a thought of finding out that this friend was gone, like so many others that we had lost recently, and I said the only words I could think of.  "I'm selfish, I want to keep you here.  It's okay to have bad thoughts, it's okay to be tired of the pain, but I don't want to lose you.  Please call the crisis line!  Promise me you'll call them when we hang up.  I'm selfish and I want you here."  They agreed and promised they would.

When I spoke to the first friend that had messaged me about the our friend, it didn't consol them at all that they had promised.  They had told them they would call crisis line.  Our next thought was who could get to them so they had someone physically with them.  We think of two people, one that wasn't close enough to physically go there but that they are close to so a phone call would probably go a long way, and another that could probably be there in half an hour, someone that is very loving and that could give support in-person.  We contact the latter to get that ball rolling, the sooner someone is with the "darkened" YACCer, the better.  When contacting the first person mentioned, they are amazingly near the YACCer even though they're not normally within driving distance.  They would first call though, see if that can help in any way.  When they have no response to the call, my heart sunk, and they said they were turning around immediately to go to the YACCer's house.

Still terrified that something would happen before the other two arrived, I texted a connection to the YACC office.  They offered to call and talk with the YACCer.  Right now, keeping them busy and in contact until someone showed up in person was the best we could do.  And, the more people contacting them, the more they knew we loved them.

Things went amazingly well after that.  The friend from the office was on the phone with them until one person arrived, and had found out the YACCer did finally contact the crisis line.  They aren't normally this darkened, but it happened, and they were at risk of spiraling downward to the point of no return.  The second friend showed up and this gave the first arriving on the ability to be able to leave to reach work on time, but not before letting the YACCer know that they would be putting a lot more effort into making it out their way from now on.  That awesome friend that had arrived stayed with them for a long time.  The YACCer finally was able to eat and knew the crisis line was sending a counselor to see them soon.

Many will read this and think, that wasn't YACC, why would you say that YACC saved someone's life?  Well, everyone mentioned, other than the one at the office, was a person that had or has cancer and the only reason we know each other, the only reason we had each other's phone numbers and ability to message each other was because we met through YACC.  If we had not known each other, if we didn't all know that YACCer, they might not have seen today.  The world would be that much darker for losing their light in such a tragic way.  Our friend is alive and knows they are loved.  That is all thanks to the connection YACC has given us.  So, yes, I say, "YACC saved a life, yesterday."