Thursday, 19 May 2011

Strong is a hate word..

Many know the saying "Hate is a strong word", and other versions thereof.  But I'm gonna let you in on a secret, just known to us cancer patients (and everyone else battling some kind of health issue): the word "strong" will very quickly become one of you most loathed words pretty freakin quickly!

I know everyone means well, they're trying to compliment you.  Trying to encourage you.  But I swear, and those of you that were at the Retreat Yourself East know this rant already, if I hear one more person say to me, "You're so strong, I could never deal with what you're going through," they will hear me say to them, "Oh, so you'd just roll over and die?"  Honestly!  I'm not stronger than the next woman that hears she has a tumour larger than grapefruit in her right breast!  I cried, I got angry, I sulked, I had all the normal reactions.  Just because I didn't publicize them every moment of the day doesn't mean I'm any different.

So you could never deal with having cancer?  You'd say, "Woe is me, I have met my end!  Lord take me now!"  Or whatever you believe in to come deliver you from this life of tragedy.  Forget the fact that there's entire teams of doctors and nurses out there that want to try to rid you of this mutation, family and friends that would grieve at your passing (especially without a fight), and groups out there that will support your battle as you wage war on the abomination in your body.  Forget that, you'll just roll over and surrender.  Well I guess it is good you didn't get cancer.  And Lord help you if you get a paper cut!  Those things are so tragic as well!  Searing pain and all.  If you had a wound on your body and made it through the healing process you'd be so strong!  I could never deal with what you'd be going through. (*insert sarcastic voice here lol).

Like I mentioned in the second paragraph, I know this is not how the words are intended, but think about how you sound saying it.  You would really claim to not value your life enough to do all in your power to save it if you came to an obstacle?

That being said, I am a stubborn person.  Sometimes to a fault, but I wasn't about to give in.  I have too much I still want to do.  And I plan to be around for my husband and son.  I also want to give help and hope to others in situations close to mine.  That's part of why I started this blog.  I want people with cancer to know there are others going through exactly what you're going through.  And it's not a crime to want things, like having your D/DD breasts back in reconstruction, you're allowed to want to look they way you did before cancer.  You can want to try to have kids, still.  Wanting to reproduce is one of the basic instincts given to all living creatures!  And even though you're a person that was good and kind you can still get bad things happening to you, like illnesses.  It doesn't mean you did anything wrong.. but that's another rant.

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