Sunday, 21 August 2011

What Makes You Happy?

It seems like an easy question.  What makes you happy?  Hearing a child laugh wholeheartedly, finding that extra $20 in your jeans pocket when doing laundry, coming across those photos of you and your friends from "happier times".  And there's simple things, seeing a full arc rainbow in all its glory, a warm fire with a cup of hot chocolate on a snowy winter night, snuggling with your partner after making love and hearing them sigh with full love and admiration.

Happiness is something fleeting lately, I find.  Pure and total "I'm completely content and happy" moments are so few and far between it grates at the soul.  And it wasn't until I was talking with an old friend from ages ago last week that I did discover something.  I do know one thing that always makes me happy.  I had left it behind.  I would bring it to the light once in a blue moon and in those moments I would be happy.  My heart would purr like a newborn kitten drinking it's mother's milk.  But I had left it for so many tiny, tiny reasons.

My art was something I did everyday.  And not just everyday, but all day.  During school (and I did get honours on more than one occasion while doings so, thank you!), after school, in the evening, late nights, while watching TV, while talking on the phone...  I always had my books of papers, sketch books, sketch pads, binders, and whatnot on me, along with enough pens and pencils to fuel the fire.

Over time, you need a job, and you cannot always draw on the job.  Then you want to see friends, and conversations cannot always be carried while doodling with a pen and paper.  You get your own place, there's more cleaning and responsibilities.  Work.. need more work to make the bills.  Relationships.  Family.  Health.  Accidents.  Life...

But I let it happen.  I have no one to blame but myself.  And it took someone saying to me "Well, it always did make you happy, your art." to realize that in fact, it did.

I have so many pieces of art that are stored away, and not just on paper, in my computers and in my head.  I really wish I knew how to work flash or some simple animation tool.. I have so many ideas.  But I think I will do this for now: I will find one of my old comics that was mine and mine alone (some had friends' contributions and ideas, don't want to take from them), and I will reinvent it to be a webcomic.  Now, can I find them, and can I find the time, my old ability, and audience?  Time will tell.  But I know it will do one thing.  It will make me happy.

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